Sometimes we truly cannot see the lake for the water, or the forest for the trees. The solution for fixing the American Economy & Healthcare System is precisely like those situations, yet even much simpler to eventually comprehend. Yes, I said simpler. (READ: no bailouts or insurance overhauls needed.)
You may ask, if the solution or fix is so easy, why haven’t the “powers that be” in the White House and Washington, DC incorporated them into their 3 million pages of written plans and rhetoric… Answer: Because they would all be out of their particular jobs if they did so. The physical cure (apart from the spiritual one that is also needed) requires no college degrees or internships to understand, nor any fancy Wall Street bankers and merger specialists to implement. Nor would it take thousands of bureaucrats to oversee.
So, what is this miraculous remedy? It is composed of just two words… Drum role… Pause… Anticipation… Crescendo… The cure is: MORE COWBELLS. Yes, more cowbells.
What? you say… Hall, I thought you were serious. That is an old Saturday Night Live skit, and it was “cowbell” not “cowbells.” Well, forgive my improper wording, but check out the logic to come. Forget the notion of only the cows having the cowbells around their necks a moment; there are other less-exploited uses.
Cowbells are neat. They sound wonderful, are pleasant, give the immediate location of every cow who wears one, and make great music. Used as they generally are by musicians, these instruments are somewhat important. However, imagine if each and every American, all 307 million of us, also had at least one cowbell, if not two or three… Think of the across the board implications…
Cowbells provide the immediate benefit of a lovely sound to the user, and those around him or her. Secondly, an often overlooked positive externality of the cowbell is the immediate and direct impact and physical benefit each has upon the body of the human user. That’s right. Shaking and tapping those things not only provides muscular exercise, but also burns calories and promotes cardiovascular health to the heart and lungs. So what?
With these obvious health benefits, the average American would be in much better shape, spend far less money on yearly healthcare, and have much smaller health insurance premiums. (And, have far less time to run the streets and stay in trouble.) That is the answer to your “So what.” Isn’t that what the whole healthcare stink is about, getting us into better shape, and being better able to rationally treat illnessses, and pay for their remedies? I say the best way to treat diseases and illnesses is to prevent them to start with. Who’s with me? I’ll continue…
Should the general public be provided this miraculous health information with respect to cowbells, there will obviously be a nationwide, if not world-wide, run on them. Demand will skyrocket. Again you wonder, “so what?”
People, we have been in a recession. Imagine what the need for almost two billion new cowbells every two years would do for our economic recovery… Cowbell plants and factories and distribution centers would likely spring-up everywhere, and cowbells would be prevalent amid every drugstore and shopping place. There would be a BOOM. Money would change hands at an unprecedented velocity. But that is not all. No way. Please read on…
It would or will take numerous workers to produce, store, and distribute these cowbells. Unemployment will disappear. Healthier workers will make and sell these cowbells to their fellow Americans with a sense of pride and satisfaction. Furthermore, increased employment will make the demand for more cowbells a matter of self-fulfilling prophesy. The industry will feed itself, as these bell producers will in turn have money to purchase more bells for themselves, their families, friends, and neighbors! Amen!
(Furthermore, what if laws were passed mandating that every single cow and bull must wear a cowbell, to save on “locating expenses” and other hardships from lost livestock? Imagine those increased sales.)
To extrapolate further from all of this, also imagine the increased usage of metals, tin, copper, and lead… Those industries would also REVIVE due to “cowbell-mania”. More workers, more salaries, more corporate profits, more stockholder wealth… Get the picture yet? And, what about the increased CONSTRUCTION, due to the increased number of cowbell facilities?
I don’t know about you, but if President Obama and company truly want to help America with respect to its economical and citizens’ health, I think the simple solution is MORE COWBELLS… This would be change that we truly could believe in.